Crochet, Visits & God
I can’t believe I have been here for 4 weeks already. Now that I am working, time is passing faster. I get up, eat, pack up my little bag with my crochet & my book and head out the door to my little tool cage. In my down time I can read & crochet, so it is the job for me!
Speaking of crocheting, I finally can! I was so excited when I was reading about the camp, and that the biggest pastime for people here is crochet. I was disappointed when I found out you can ‘t just pick up a hook and start. There are forms to be filled out, approvals to get before you can order your yarn. Once you order your yarn it is still another week before you can get started. I was finally good to go this past Monday with all of my approvals, I had my yarn and could start. The first project, twin baby blankets for one of the guys I work with on the “outside”. I am more than half way done with the first one and I am so proud of it! I did have to start the entire thing over when it just wasn’t working out right for me. Fortunately, most people here who crochet are very eager to help, and thanks to one of the girl’s suggestions, it is coming out perfect now. I will have Bethany post a picture when I send it to her. When I am done with the two blankets, I want to start on a stuffed dog for Landon for Christmas. I just have to get everyone to start searching for a dachshund crochet pattern. If anyone happens to have one, can you make a copy and send it to Bethany or directly to me? I would really appreciate it. I miss Pinterest right now. By the way, I rolled my yarn in to balls this week by hand! It doesn’t sound that exciting, but in this world of having to do everything now and fast, taking the time to sit and roll the yarn forced me to chill and take my time, which is something I need a lot of work on.
I finally had my first visit this week. Bethany and Gabbi came up on Sunday to visit. I was nervous, not knowing how it would go, but it went great. They stayed for about 3 hours, and I am so proud of myself, I did not cry when they left. It was so great seeing them! I miss my kids so much. We are going to work on getting Landon here to visit soon. To have a visitor, it takes a couple of weeks of planning. First the visitor has to mail in the visit form. Unless they are listed on my paperwork as immediate family, a check has to be run on them to make sure there are no issues with them coming here. Once this is done, it is good for 10 years. Then it has to be put in the system that they are approved. The whole process takes about 2 weeks to get them clear to visit. We can only have visits every other weekend, depending on if we are odd or even (I am odd – nothing new). I told the girls the worst thing they could do is try to surprise me. For visits we have to get dressed in full uniform, including the boots. I have seen so many people upset because they didn’t know they were going to have a visit, and were called as they were coming out of the shower, off the track, etc. They are so frazzled by the time they get in there, they have a hard time enjoying the visit.
I have spent some time this week thinking about my relationship with God. I went to Mass and enjoyed it much better than the protestant service they have. I thought about reading the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. I finished Genesis and was even more confused than I started with. Between the men taking a wife and a servant, loaning out their wives, and all of the other things I had a hard time relating to why that is supposed to make me trust in God, the way I was taught. My Bunkie suggested I start with the New Testament, that I would be much happier. She actually suggested I read the book of James first, then go back to Matthew. I like the book of James much better than Genesis. I have a pretty smart Bunkie. Between the discussions with the shrink before I came in, and my time of thinking here, I have come to the following conclusions:
1. I need to find a way to forgive God for not being there with me all the times I needed him. I have read all of the things about him always being by your side, but I am still having a hard time believing that.
2. I need to find a way to forgive myself for what I have done, much easier said than done.
3. I need to ask God for Forgiveness.
I have determined that I need to accomplish these items in this order, before I can move on. Now I just have to find the best way to do it. I have been talking to a lot of people who seem to be so deep with their faith, but I can’t get past the feeling that it doesn’t apply to me. I still have a lot of work to do on this subject.
Lastly, prison popcorn is good! Werther’s candies, melted with caramels & butter and mixed with popcorn and peanuts…can’t wait to make it for everyone when I get home.
Have a great week!