Week Five

Classes, Books, and The Frog

I have made it through 5 weeks, and am ready to come home. Talking with Landon on the phone the other night was torture, and I ended up crying for about 30 minutes after.  How do I explain to a 3 year old, that no, I cannot come sleep at Grandmommy’s beach condo with him, and I can’t pick him up to come sleep here with me?  Being away from him and the girls is the true punishment here, for them and me.

I went back to my Event Planning class and am disappointed.  I am not learning anything that I had hoped for.  Oh well, I will finish it, at least I will get credit for taking the class.   I did start another class during the week, “Women Who Love Too Much”, based on the book with the same name.  The instructor teaching the class said she had a hard time with the book and the concept, because it was too hard, not the book itself, but the emotions it brought up reading the book.  I am stuck on the 3rd chapter now and it is very hard.  It is hard to realize that I basically walked around with a sign on my head saying “Marry me, and abuse me, it’s OK”.  Why did I stay for 8 years, being told daily how stupid I was, among other things, only to decide it was time to leave when I picked myself up off of the ground?  Why did I do it all again, for 9 years, but this time be told how I was not good enough, needed to lose weight, do my hair different, even was told that if I wanted a boob job, he would be happy to put it in the budget?  Really?  I rarely take pictures of myself anymore.  I realized, during all of my soul searching, that I stopped, halfway through my second marriage.  I still have an issue with taking them, I always look fat and ugly in them.  I now understand why I feel that way, but it doesn’t help any.  When I get out, I am determined to take some pictures and be happy with myself.  There was a hashtag going around before I came in, #HeDoesn’tHitMeBut.  If I had a nickel for every time I said those 5 words during my 2 marriages……  I read through some of the posts on Twitter with that hashtag and I could have written 95% of them.  No wonder my head is so messed up.  I want my girls to read the book, it is well worth the read, and hopefully will stop them from dealing with the same crap I dealt with.  If anyone ever has to say the line “He doesn’t hit me but…”, it is time to re-evaluate everything to do with that relationship.

I ran out of yarn, and had to wait for Monday to come around to get more (I miss running to Michael’s).  I am almost done with the first of the two twin blankets.  I went back to reading, to pass the time.  I have read all of the Mary Higgins Clark, JA Jance, James Patterson, as well as a few others in the library.  I started on Iris Johansen, who has a lot of books, and should keep me busy for awhile.  I read fast (finished most of the books in a day) so at the rate I am going, I may make it through all of the mystery/suspense books in the library before I leave.  I have thrown in a couple of fictions here and there, I avoid the romances though, I have no desire to read the Happily Ever After stories.

The comedy moment of the week came on Saturday night, around midnight.  We were all sleeping when we heard a frog start his croaking..LOUD.  It was non stop.  I started hearing some of the girls trying to find him, and one even went to get a guard, who sent her back.  It apparently is not their job to find the frog.  This went on for over an hour, he would stop for a minute and then start back up again.  We finally decided he was outside of the emergency door (which is right next to my cube).  There is a metal stairway outside of the door going up to the second floor emergency door.  His croaks were echoing off of the metal, so it was worse than if he just was out there making noise.  When he stopped after an hour everyone settled back down to go to sleep, when about 15 minutes later, he started back up again.  This went on for the next couple of hours, until he must have lost his voice, or finally found himself a mate.  All I know is there were a lot of people taking naps on Sunday afternoon!

That’s it for this week.  I am trying to stay positive here, it is getting a little harder, but I am determined to work on myself, as long as I have this extra time.

Have a great week.


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