13 weeks are over, a quarter of a year. In one way it has gone by a lot faster than I thought it would, in other ways, the days are as slow as molasses. I put in for a change of jobs, which hopefully will happen at the end of this week. Since I only have a few more months left, and there a lot of classes I want to try to take this next round, I put in for a compound job. The hours will allow for me to take classes all day long if I want. They will also allow me to be able to exercise in the mornings. One of the girls here is working on her personal trainer certificate, and has promised to push me out the door each morning to work out.
Every night this week, while walking, the same song has come on the radio. The name of it is “Eye of the Storm”, and I really love the words to it. Hopefully Bethy is able to put the link up to the song. Since it has played every time I walked, I feel like it is talking to me. Lately I am looking for signs everywhere. Thanks to my long talks with some of the ladies here, I think I was finally able to accept that the issues I have had with God, are more linked to me not trusting of ministers over the years. I have seen ministers be concerned only with their own political gain, cheat on their wives, not practice the art of forgiveness, treat congregants very badly and then brag (to me) that the person probably thinks he is the biggest SOB out there (his words) and laugh about it, and I even knew one that took his daughter for an abortion (abortion is a personal choice, but when you are preaching about life and then doing the exact opposite, it makes you untrustworthy). I have been able to work through a lot of these issues, thanks to the women around me, remembering that the ministers are humans with free will. They are not God, and just because they became ministers, does not mean that they were truly called by God. I have made a lot of progress on my own, and hope that I can find someone who I can trust when I get home, someone that lives by what he/she preaches. The sad thing is, sitting in different churches over the last couple of years, I have had a hard time trusting the person up front. Even though I don’t know them personally, I still can’t put that full trust in them. It is going to take a lot of time for a “Man of God” to earn my trust again.
The excitement here continues, as several more people have received their new release dates. I know what has been put in for me, and am just waiting now to find out if it will happen. I really need to get home. I had a video chat with my 3 year old on Thursday night, and although it started off well, it did not end well. My poor mom is exhausted, I think the video chat just made things worse, so I guess I will hold off on doing any more for a while. I miss that little guy so much, and cannot wait to hold him in my arms again. I honestly think my family is being punished more than I am, which is very sad, and something I feel guilty for. I really hope they all know how much I love them for stepping in and taking care of things while I am here…playing at camp.
By the way…I still have not had my visitor approved yet. The next visit weekend for me is this upcoming weekend. It has been 5 weeks since his form was mailed in, it would sure be nice to be able to see him. Can’t figure out what the hold up is, except not enough people working here to get the job done.
Have a great week! Hopefully soon there will be a big change in my going home stats.
19 more chicken days!
9 more visit weekends!
5 more blanket exchanges!