Week Twenty Seven

Happy New Year!

Time is getting closer, and I am trying not to stress about it.  I never thought leaving here would be a scary thing.  How will things have changed at home? With friends? With family? How will people feel about being around me?  How will people feel and react to me when I go out.  In discussing these concerns with some friends, one reminded me of the story found in John 8.  It is about a woman who broke the law, she was caught in adultery.  The sentence that was supposed to happen was for her to be stoned.  Jesus was there and the people around decided to test him, stating that he preaches about kindness and love, but she broke the law.  Jesus basically told them to do what they needed to do, but for the first person to throw a stone at her, to be someone without sin.  In the end, everyone walked away, and the woman was spared.  No one is without sin.  How many people have drank just one too many, sure that they are good to drive home, but praying the whole way that they don’t get pulled over?  Just because they did not get caught, did not mean they did not break the law.  How many people have turned an old couch into Goodwill, received the receipt and listed its value at $800 instead of the $50 it was actually worth, just to take a bigger tax write off?  Just because it was not caught, does not mean it was not tax fraud.  How many people used, or even sold, drugs in the past (or present)?  Just because they were not caught, does not mean they did not break the law?  So the only thing I ask, before people bring down their judgment on me, for my wrongdoings, to think of their own.  Just because they were not caught or not punished does not mean they were not wrong.

I heard a song this week, that has been stuck in my head.  It really describes what I have been going through, trying to make the changes in my life, and trying to forgive myself for everything.  It is called “Tell Your Heart To Beat Again” by Danny Gokie.  If you listen to it, try to really listen to the words, it talks about leaving yesterday behind, you don’t live there anymore.  So true!

My Bunkie leaves this week. I am so happy for her. She has made a major impression on my life over the last 27 weeks, and I will never forget her for it.  She has taught me a lot and I will always be grateful for the time we have spent together.  I really wish her the best of luck in the future.

With the new year here, I have wishes for my adult daughters and for my 3 year old son for 2017.

Wishes for my daughters:
* To learn to move past the thoughts of loneliness and be happy in solitude
* To realize that they do not need to be in a relationship to be happy and that no one is responsible for making them happy, they are their own best friends
* To remember if they spend too long holding on to the one that treats them like an OPTION, they will miss finding the one that treats them like a PRIORITY.
* To remember that NO ONE can make them feel inferior without their consent
* To work towards a closer spiritual relationship with God
* To continue their educational goals, and not let any obstacles stand in their way.
* To remember F-E-A-R has two meanings – Forget Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise.  The choice is theirs.
* To remember that no matter what, I love them more than they could ever imagine.

Wishes for my son:
* To know that his mommy is always here for him and loves him very much, even when we are apart.  I am ready for separation issues when I get home, and will use patience and understanding as we work through them.
* To use every opportunity to learn something.
* To learn more and more about God and his forgiveness and love.
* To take advantage of being a kid and play!

Have a great week!
Julie

5 more chicken days!
2 more visit weekends!
2 more blanket exchanges!

Week Eighteen

More Of The Same

Another week is over here at Camp Coleman.  We did our final speeches in Public Speaking class.  The subject was about how things will be when we get out of here.  I did mine on the top 12 things I have learned during this entire process the last two years.

1.  Spending time with my family and the ones I love is something that I will never take for granted again.
2.  I will never again believe everything I read in the paper or see on the news.
3.  Nothing is black and white, there are shades of gray in just about every situation.
4.  Don’t go by first impressions when I meet someone.  Take the time to get to know them before forming an opinion.
5.  Ask for help when I need it….It is really not as hard as it seems.
6.  Contrary to what my mom told me, cheese in a can or bottle is really not that bad.
7.  I will never complain about lack of drawer or closet space again.
8.  There are more uses for female products than anyone ever could have guessed. That could be a whole blog on it’s own
9.  Divided tray plates are the best thing in the world for someone with major food touching issues!
10. Eating tofu will not kill me, and when cooked right, is really not that bad.
11. Never again will I waste money on storage containers, when peanut butter jars can be reused.  Currently have them for creamer, sugar cubes & lemonade.
12. Velcro will be banned from my house, I never want to hear that sound again.  Our belts wrap around our waist with velcro, so every time you undo it, there is about 15 inches of velcro that rips…it is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me

Some of the girls in my unit threw a Halloween party on Friday night.  It was very interesting, especially the costumes they came up with.  I stayed down by my cube, and watched all of the fun when the guard came in and broke up their party.  It was amazing how fast some of those girls could move.

When you end up with a room full of bored women, they have to find ways to entertain themselves.  We have nicknames for a lot of the guards, and we all know exactly who we are talking about when we say them.   Most of them don’t stay long, I think we scare them away.  They would rather be over at the real prisons with the bad guys instead of stuck here with a bunch of women.  The Italian Stallion, Cowboy, GI Joe, Charmin Bear, Little Guy, Overtime and Stewie are just some of the names these guys are referred to as.  It is all in fun.

Speaking of fun, my Bunkie had made a comment that someone’s birthday was on Feb. 2nd.  I told her they were a Groundhog baby.  That started a very long, comical conversation about #1 what is a groundhog & #2 explaining Groundhog Day.  You don’t realize sometimes how silly something sounds until you try explaining it to someone that has never heard of it, and they are looking at you like you are totally crazy.  We asked the other Spanish girls around us, and none of them knew what a groundhog was or what Groundhog day was either.   I finally tracked down a Spanish – English dictionary, and found out the translation for Groundhog, but it didn’t help.  Apparently they don’t have them in Cuba or Puerto Rico.

The song this week is Grace Wins by Matthew West  It is so nice to remember that there is forgiveness and grace, at least by God.

Goal update:
So far I have walked 247 laps, which is almost 77 miles.  I only have 5 days left to get the last 23 miles in.  I am going to try, but I think I will fall short a little bit.  I am happy with the fitness classes I have been taking, which have taken away some of my walking time and energy, but they have been very good for me.

Looks like the dates are not changing, so I am just going to be happy with what I have.  Some people are still fighting it, but it is time to realize there is a reason for everything, and let it go.

14 more chicken days!
6 more visit weekends!
4 more blanket exchanges!

Have a great week!
Julie

 

Week Seventeen

A week closer to the end!

Another week is over.  We are still feeling the aftermath of the visitation issue from last week that I wrote about.  Visitations for this weekend were completely cancelled.  So, because of one person’s selfish act, everyone who had a visit planned for this weekend, lost it.  I really feel bad for the girl in the bunk across the hall from me.  It is her birthday weekend, and her mom had scheduled a flight to come visit, and had to cancel the flight.  We had a big birthday party for her on Friday night to try to make her feel a little better.  It is amazing the food that people can make with the limited ingredients we have.  We had pizza (two types), chicken and dumplings, Spanish rice, bean dip, veggie dip, flan, 2 different chocolate cakes and a chocolate cheesecake.  The pizza was not like Papa Johns, and the chicken and dumplings were nothing like Cracker Barrel, but they were still really good.  I made my first chocolate lava cake, with Bunkie supervising, and helped the birthday girl’s Bunkie make the chocolate cheesecake and the veggie dip.  It was a lot of fun.  I can’t wait to recreate these recipes at home during one of our family dinners.

One of my friends makes homemade cards.  I told her I needed some note cards, so she made me a few.  They are adorable. They have a little turtle, upside down, but smiling.  The caption is… I’m Okay, really I am… It describes me right now, not back on my feet yet, but I am working on it, and trying to keep smiling.  I am still working on plans for the future, I have a plan A, but was told I should have at least a plan B & C (and even a D).  So I am working on plan B right now.  I really just want to get back home and start taking care of my children and start my life over.  I am praying a lot right now, and hoping that everything works out in the end.

I have been doing a lot of thinking this week about my two ex-husbands, and how I have let them continue to hold a grip over my life.  It is time to let it all go, and move on.  I can’t go back and change the past, or the way I was treated, and I can’t keep letting it control my life.  I have decided to pray daily for the new women in their lives.  These men will not change, but sadly, it takes a little bit of time before the real issues start to come out, so the new women in their lives need prayers.  I wrote about this before, but it deserves to be mentioned again.  Before I came in, there was a big thing about a hashtag on Twitter #HeDoesn’tHitMeBut… If you have the time, go to Twitter and type it into the search box.  When I did, the first 10 things that women had written, could have been written by me.   If you ever say that line to yourself, He Doesn’t Hit Me But…. take a good look at your relationship.  Verbal & emotional abuse is not okay.  I know the old line about sticks and stones, but words really can hurt you, especially when they come from someone who supposedly loves you.  So I am letting go of the anger, and praying for the new women involved, and I feel lighter already.

The song this week, that I have been hearing over and over, is called Priceless by For King & Country.  I really like this song, and the meaning behind it.

Goal Update:  I have walked 163 laps total which equals 50 miles.  I only have 12 days left to walk 162 more laps, which will average out to 13-14 laps a day.  I am going to keep trying, but I am not feeling as confident about it.  I did start my Intro to Fitness & Intro to Step classes this week, on top of the walking.  Right now my calves are killing me from the step, but I am still moving along.

15 more chicken days!
7 more visit weekends!
4 more blanket exchanges!

Have a great week!  Keep praying my date changes (Bunkie’s date changed, and now she is leaving 4 weeks before me. I am very happy for her!)

Julie

Week Fifteen

Another Week…

Another week down, and thanks to Hurricane Matthew, we had a very long weekend.  It would have been better if we  had not been stuck inside for Thursday evening and all day Friday, but I was able to get a very nice long nap.  We were fed well during that time, since the one officer that really seems to care about what gets served, was the one in charge of feeding us.

On Wednesday, in my Threshold class, we worked on goal setting.  We learned that all goals should be SMART. On top of thinking about short term and long term goals, we each had to come up with something attainable in the next 30 days.

Goal – walk 100 miles over the course of the next 30 days.

Specific – I will walk 100 miles on the track over the next 30 days
Measurable – 100 miles/30 days
Achievable – I have been averaging 3 miles a day right now, which would make 90 for 30 days, so I just need to walk a little more to make the goal
Rewarding – This will prove that I can make a goal and stick with it to make it happen
Trackable – It will be easier to track the number of laps.  One mile = 3.25 laps, 100 miles = 325 laps

Status – We did not start this until Wednesday, so I do not  have a full week in yet, plus lost a day and a half due to Hurricane Matthew.  As of last night I am at 36 laps, 11+ miles.  Which leaves 289 laps to go during the next 25 days.  I can do it!

Some other goals I have set:
Shorter term:
* Finish my degree (I have always regretted not finishing)
* Create a garden paradise in my side yard (I have a big empty sunny space to play with)
* Pay off all debt (I should really put that under long term, since it will take me until I am about 80 years old to accomplish it)

Long term:
* Take kids to all 4 Disney’s.  I took them all to the one in Florida earlier this year, so the next goal will be California.  France and Japan will be much further down the road.
* Find a vacation spot similar to the one that I love looking at in Bora Bora, closer to home and cheaper than going to Bora Bora, and take a romantic trip there (sorry kids, you are not invited on this one).  I saw an episode on the travel channel about a resort in Bora Bora with cabins over the water, with glass bottom floors.  The water was absolutely beautiful, and you could just jump in and swim right outside your room.  I am sure there must be something similar in the Caribbean.  I know I saw something at the Polynesian resort at Disney, but staying over the murky lake is not what I consider romantic.

I have been working on more goals, but these are some just to get me started.  Again, it may take me until I am 80 to save up for these trips, and I may be taking my great grandchildren too, but at least it is something to look forward to.

I think it is amazing how each week, one song plays over and over while I am walking.  I walk at different times during the day, and once I tell everyone about the song, a different one takes its place.  I am taking it as a sign to share them.  I hope someone is listening to them.  I know that my girls are, I think I challenged them last week with the song.  This week’s song is called “You Are Loved” by Stars Go Dim. It is a really great song, I have enjoyed it this week and am looking forward to whatever song God sends me next week.

Keep praying for changes in dates.  They have not happened yet, but I am staying positive.  If nothing else, my other date is set, so I will keep counting down to that one.  Also, I still owe several people letters and am working on them.  Hopefully they will be going out this week.

17 more chicken days!
8 more visit weekends!
4 more blanket exchanges!

Have a great week!
Julie

 

Week Fourteen

 

More of the Same

Another week is over.  I thought I would explain some things that go on around here, since someone asked me what the blanket exchange is.  Once a month (my unit is the first Wednesday of the month), we exchange our two, hospital type blankets for two clean ones.  The exchange happens first thing in the morning.  Blankets have to be turned in by 6:30am, and they are very loud reminding everyone to get their blankets in.  You can’t go anywhere, because when the girl in charge of the laundry turns in the cart of dirty blankets, she is given back a cart of clean blankets, which then get distributed.  If you are not around when the distribution is happening, you have to go to laundry to ask for blankets.  This is why it is one of our count down items, because it is a major event (pain) once a month.

The new class sign ups happened this morning.  There are several different types of classes.  Some are offered under the regular education section.  There are also classes offered through the re-entry program and classes offered through the chapel.  So far, my new schedule is:

Monday – French 1 (might as well), Native American Studies & Building Wealth
Tuesday – nothing right now
Wednesday – Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University, Threshold (through the chapel) & Beginning Fitness
Thursday – Science of the Brain (supposed to teach you to meditate) & Women Who Love Too Much (ends this week)
Friday – Personal Finance, Competent Communications (ends next week) & Puppy/Dog Care (hopefully there is a class on how to handle a very spoiled dachshund)
Saturday – Intro to Step

Quite an interesting mix of classes.  Since my time is limited, I have left the electric shop, for an easy job on the compound. This will allow me to spend more time on classes, crochet, reading and exercising.  I already walked 3 miles this morning, and am ready to do several more this evening.

I did have to laugh this week.  Since the death of my little doxie Libby, my other doxie, Hero is the lone dog.  When I am home, Hero would either sleep with me or on the floor of my bedroom.  My parents, who have always insisted that dogs belong in their crates at night (and never in the bed), have started letting him sleep in their bedroom.  I think they felt sorry for him, since he is by himself now.  It only took one night, and Hero was in their bed, snuggled up, sleeping.  He is a burrowing dog, and insists he has to sleep under the covers.  It is funny how parents change the rules when it comes to their grandkids…and apparently grandpups.

I have another song that has been playing all week, every time I go out to walk.  Hopefully Bethy can attach a link to it.  It is called Breathe by Jonny Diaz.  I love the words to this song, it makes you remember to slow down and just relax.

By the way, after 4 weeks, I finally got the visit approved that I have been working on, and then they were not able to come :-(.  I did get to see some of my family this weekend, which I love getting to see them, it really breaks up the weekend.  Each visit was some very nice one on one time, I loved every second of it!

Have a great week!

18 more chicken days!
8 more visit weekends!
5 more blanket exchanges!

 

Learning Spanish and a Raise

The week is half over and is going fast.  I had another realization today that made my issues not look so bad.

Since Bunkie (I decided I would not use inmate’s real names) speaks fluent Spanish, she has a lot of friends that come by the cube and speak in Spanish.  One of her friends, we will call her Lucy, seems to be a really sweet lady, someone that I think I would enjoy talking to, but her English is very limited.  My Spanish consists of my memories from high school Spanish, so needless to say, conversations are not happening.  Bunkie made the comment that Lucy needs to practice her English and actually seems to know more than she speaks, due to feeling insecure.  I told Lucy that she can feel free to practice her English on me, and I will practice my Spanish on her.  She has taken this as a challenge, and insists that when we talk, I have to respond to her in Spanish.  I successfully told her the names and ages of my children, parents and brothers (yay for me!) and she was able to tell me the same about her family.  I have found out that she was a professor at a university in Puerto Rico (now I understand her desire to teach me) and Bunkie can’t understand why she feels more confident talking English to me, than to her, who is a native Spanish speaker.  We decided that since she feels she is teaching me at the same time, she has more confidence in speaking to me.  What ever it takes, she is a really nice lady.  The other day, when I was heading to work and saw her walking, I said Hola Lucy, yo soy trabajo-ing.  I was trying to say Hello Lucy, I am going to work, but by the look she gave me, I figured I was way off.  When I talked to Bunkie later and told her what I said, after she finished laughing, she told me that I cannot add -ing to a Spanish word, and my whole sentence was off.  I am glad I gave her a laugh for the night, and will remember not to add -ing to my words.

I realized that Lucy, along with several other women are in a very tough situation and I feel really bad for them.  There are no prison camps in Puerto Rico, so they are sent here.  So not only are they away from their families, they have been placed in a different country that they don’t speak the language.  Most of the staff here is bilingual, but still, what a horrible feeling.  I am determined to be able to have more than a two sentence conversation with Lucy by the time I leave here.

On a happy note, I found out I got a raise today.  My whole month of August will be at my new pay rate, $.29 an hour, yes that is 29 cents!  It is a big increase from the $.12 I received in July.  I read somewhere that it costs an average of $87 a day for each person here.  I wonder if those figures, count the labor that they are getting.  Even on the low end, an electrical helper (since I am never in my tool cage anymore) would be making at least $9 an hour.  Oh well, just look how much fun I am having.  That was sarcasm, which by the way, my sarcasm does not translate well when I am talking to Bunkie, I tend to confuse her.

Have a great rest of the week!

Julie